If I Could Tell My Adolescent Self What I Know Now

As I turned 22 yesterday, I’m sitting here in awe, reflecting on my life. When I was a kid, I couldn’t wait to grow up. But now that I’m growing up, I wish I wasn’t. My life has been full of contradictions: I’ve witnessed people with nothing smile, and those with everything cry. I’ve seen myself chase the ones who ignore me, but I’ve also ignored the ones who adored me.

I’ve witnessed too many ironies in my life and have gone through painful experiences. Despite learning from these mistakes, I wish I could tell my young self what I know now. And if some genius happens to create a time machine in my lifetime, these are the things that I’d say:

People will come and go.

I think until recently, I’ve had difficulty accepting this fact. Certain people in your life will come and go: friends, significant others, colleagues, classmates, etc. I used to dwell on the past through old posts from Facebook timelines, old pictures, old letters, old videos, or songs that would instantly remind me of some person, place, time period, or memory. And after viewing those things, I’d recall all the memories that I had with that particular person, and although good, the nostalgia stung my heart a bit.

I’d wonder about what those people are doing now, what they’ve been up to, what made us drift, or if our dynamic could ever be the same again. And with certain people, it may be a blessing and a relief that they are no longer in my life, but with others, I had wished that our paths would align again.

Paradoxically, the memories made me sad and happy all at the same time. But if I could tell my young self what I know now, I’d remind her that this is just a natural process in life. Sometimes it’s controllable, but other times, it’s out of our power and there’s a time to let go. People that you were once inseparable from are now merely strangers. But if you and that person (whomever it may be) are meant to be in each other’s lives, it’ll happen when it’s the right time.

We Heart It

You will meet several “prince charmings” before you find your king.

I’ve been in several relationships, each wondering if this guy would be the “one”. And whether I broke it off or he broke it off, there would always be disappointment in the end. Breakups are inevitable, and everyone will go through them at least once in their lifetime. It’s a difficult period, but it’ll help you grow.

You’ll learn more about yourself and what you want in a man (or even don’t want). Don’t ever chase after a man, either. It’s reasonable to fight for the one you love, but don’t ever chase. A man will go where he wants to go, and stay if he wants to stay. And even if he does give in and comes back, that doesn’t help. You should be with a man, not because you were able to convince him, but because you didn’t need to. Don’t ever settle for less than what you deserve, or else you’ll get even less than what you settled for. You are no man’s consolation prize.

Be selfish when it comes to your happiness.

When I say to be selfish when it comes to your happiness, I don’t mean if it hurts other people (i.e. stealing, deception). I mean to be selfish when other people rob you of the opportunity to be happy. If a man is toying with your heart, end it civilly and let him go. You don’t deserve to spend your nights crying. There are other people in the world who love you and want the best for you. Learn to love yourself and don’t ever let anyone keep you from the pursuit of happiness that you’re entitled to.

I once directed all my passion and emotions to the wrong things and wrong people, until I realized how much more fulfilling my life would be if I rerouted that energy towards my dreams, ambitions, and aspirations. And as a result, I was blessed beyond description with new opportunities. I only wish I had implemented this advice sooner in my life.

Appreciate your parents and let them know that you love them as often as you can.

For every second of my 22 years of life, my parents have been there. You may not appreciate them when you’re younger, but the older you get, the more you realize how much sacrifice, hard work, and dedication, these two people have given to give you the best opportunities in your life. The reason I graduated with a bachelor’s degree this year is because of these two people. I’d be nothing without them.

So when they nag about studying and valuing your education, or discipline you for lying, know that it’s because they love you and want you to be a good person of character, who makes a positive difference in this world. Your parents are the only people who will bust their asses to provide the best life for you.

Love them while they’re still alive, because when you’re old and they’re gone, you’ll regret not appreciating them enough. So stay on the phone for a few extra minutes; don’t be so eager to hang up or leave the house to go out with your friends. Cook them dinner; do some extra chores around the house. Do small things to make it easier for them to breathe.

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Forgive.

There are so many people who have hurt me. But on the other hand, there are so many people that I have hurt, as well. The most precious gift that I’ve ever received is grace and mercy. When I made mistakes and was forgiven, I felt such a relief to know that the bad blood was gone. Reciprocate love and kindness.

How can you expect forgiveness from others, when you can’t do the same? That girl at school who mistreated you out of jealousy? Forgive. The friend who deceived and backstabbed you? Forgive. Be compassionate, show mercy and love this person, even when they least deserve it. That’s actually when they need it the most.

It’s a sign of maturity when you understand someone has hurt you, yet you still feel the power to wish them the best. Keep on loving them. I promise you’ll eventually make even a cold, unemotional person cry. Love those around you unconditionally and relentlessly.

If you have a good relationship/friendship, don’t lose it over your pride.

Sometimes, it’s good to stand up for yourself and keep your pride. But in other circumstances, being too prideful can end up hurting you. Apologizing doesn’t always mean that you’re at fault and are wrong. Sometimes, it just shows that you value the relationship with the other person more than you value holding onto your pride and ego.

Be productive; don’t be so lazy; don’t procrastinate.

I wish I could’ve emphasized this to my younger self. I spent all my precious time on insignificant things, and I will never get that time back. Wake up early and do what you need to do. Seize your day and own it! Wake up a few minutes earlier to get your day started. Do simple things, like leaving early so that you don’t hit traffic.

What a waste of a precious day to be spent sitting in traffic. Don’t be so lazy about small things like charging your phone or driving until your gas meter is past empty. Nothing gives me more anxiety than when my phone battery is at less than 10 percent, or when I’m paranoid that my car is going to stop on the freeway.

Bad company corrupts good character.

Don’t give into peer pressure. Even if you’re the most independent person and think you can make your own decisions for yourself, habits from the people around you can desensitize you. You know it’s not right to drink and drive. So don’t, even if your friends do it. You vowed as a kid to never get into drugs, so be cautious about being friends with people who do it so nonchalantly.

Just because some girls call themselves “bad bitches” doesn’t mean you should label yourself as so. Label yourself a beautiful, extraordinary, unique woman. You will realize that your reputation will be the most important thing. Surround yourself with good influences.

Be a decent human being.

No matter what your status is, acknowledge the small things people do for you. Nothing annoys me more than when people think they’re entitled. Thank the person that takes the time to hold your door open for you, or when they let you get into their crowded lane on the road. Life is hard for everyone. We all have struggles; we all have worries.

We’re all trying to make it. No decent human being should build his or her happiness on another person’s pain. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Don’t have a cold, unsympathetic heart. Be kind to your waiter, or to the janitor at your school. Nothing is worse than an ungrateful person. Evaluate yourself, be respectful, and stay humble.

Be grateful for everything.

Big or small, appreciate the things that you’re blessed with, whether it’s good health, an opportunity to have an education, your family, your friends, the roof over your head, or something as simple as an umbrella when it’s raining. I’m grateful and thankful for the sounds of laughter coming from the people I love in my life. When you remind yourself what you’re blessed with (rather than what you wish you had), you end up living a more fulfilling life.

Don’t listen to Drake’s Take Care album after midnight.

It’s a good album, but you’ll have sleepless nights, and late night thoughts are the worst.

Don’t have expectations.

They can lead to disappointment. Have goals and dreams, but don’t have expectations. Sometimes we expect more from others just because we would be willing to do that much for them, but that’s what leads to disappointment. Do things for others without expecting anything in return. That way when you do get something, you’ll be happy, but if you don’t get anything, you’ll be content, as well.

Don’t hold back on your dreams because you’re embarrassed about what people will say.

I wanted so badly to do many things in my life. I held back, though, because I was worried about what my peers would say. As a result, I gave up those opportunities and ended up witnessing other people live the life that I dreamed of. Go after the passions and aspirations that you have in your life now. You do only live once, so why not live the life you dream of?

You’ll feel the most pain when you witness good people go through the worst bullsh*t.

When you watch your mom and dad work hard for what they have and it crumbles before their eyes, you’ll feel the most pain. When you watch your grandparents feel the repercussions of backaches and leg problems from decades of working hard labor jobs, you’ll feel the most pain. When you witness an innocent child born with a disability that they didn’t ask for, you’ll feel the most pain. The best solution to that is to remind these people that they’re precious and loved.

The secret to living a happy life is to let go.

Let go of pain; let go of anger; let go of regret; let go of resentment; let go of the past; let go of mistakes; let go of the ex; let go of the disappointment. Surrender it all. Why hold onto the negatives? You don’t have room for it. You want to clear out the junk to make room for the good things. And in life, it’s the same principle. If you hold onto all the pain and negativity, you’re only preventing room for the good things to enter your life. There is always a purpose or reason why certain people are removed from your life.

Think about that when you decide to hold onto, or chase after, them. Cut out the negativity. It’s a waste of space in your heart and life. How amazing is it to stay silent when someone expects you to lash out in anger? How wonderful is it to laugh when someone believes that you are going to shed tears from pain? Let go of the things that hold you back, and you’ll realize how truly beautiful your life really is.

Fact..

People would like to see you do well..But not better than them..

勇氣

不做不會怎樣, 但做了會很不一樣。

Why Generation Y Are Unhappy

Why Generation Y Yuppies Are Unhappy

Say hi to Lucy.

Lucy is part of Generation Y, the generation born between the late 1970s and the mid 1990s.  She's also part of a yuppie culture that makes up a large portion of Gen Y.  

I have a term for yuppies in the Gen Y age group—I call them Gen Y Protagonists & Special Yuppies, or GYPSYs.  A Gypsy is a unique brand of yuppie, one who thinks they are the main character of a very special story. 

Before we talk more about Lucy, let's quickly figure out if you, the reader, are a Gen Y Protagonist & Special Yuppie.  The Gen Y part is easy—you have to have been born sometime between the late 1970s and the mid 1990s (there are various opinions on the exact range of time, but this is the most common).  As for the Protagonist & Special Yuppie part, let's lay out some guidelines.  You're probably a Gypsy if:

- you went to sleep-away summer camp during your youth.
- you've won a number of meaningless awards.

- you studied abroad during college.

- you, after graduating college, considered (or will consider) big, famous cities like New York, San Francisco, LA, or DC, or small, fancy cities like Boulder or Santa Barbara as the only acceptable places to move (i.e. you feel like too special of a person to move to somewhere like Cleveland).

- you have disdain for a restaurant like The Olive Garden or Red Lobster.

- you need to have an iPhone and wouldn't consider an Android phone.

- foodie is a word you've ever called yourself or anyone else.
- you've been to a therapist without any severe mental illness.
- you have started your own business or have plans to do so.
- you regularly talk or think about your passions.
- you've ever had a blog.  Shit.

Now that you know where you fit into all this, let's get back to Lucy.  Lucy's enjoying her Gypsy life, and she's very pleased to be Lucy.  Only issue is this one thing:

Lucy's kind of unhappy.

To get to the bottom of why, we need to define what makes someone happy or unhappy in the first place.  It comes down to a simple formula:

It's pretty straightforward—when the reality of someone's life is better than they had expected, they're happy.  When reality turns out to be worse than the expectations, they're unhappy. 

To provide some context, let's start by bringing Lucy's parents into the discussion:

Lucy's parents were born in the 50s—they're Baby Boomers.  They were raised by Lucy's grandparents, members of the G.I. Generation, or "the Greatest Generation," who grew up during the Great Depression and fought in World War II, and were most definitely not Gypsies.

Lucy's Depression Era grandparents were obsessed with economic security and raised her parents to build practical, secure careers.  They wanted her parents' careers to have greener grass than their own, and Lucy's parents were brought up to envision a prosperous and stable career for themselves.  Something like this:

They were taught that there was nothing stopping them from getting to that lush, green lawn of a career, but that they'd need to put in years of hard work to make it happen. 

After graduating from being insufferable hippies, Lucy's parents embarked on their careers.  As the 70s, 80s, and 90s rolled along, the world entered a time of unprecedented economic prosperity.  Lucy's parents did even better than they expected to.  This left them feeling gratified and optimistic.

With a smoother, more positive life experience than that of their own parents, Lucy's parents raised Lucy with a sense of optimism and unbounded possibility.  And they weren't alone.  Baby Boomers all around the country and world told their Gen Y kids that they could be whatever they wanted to be, instilling the special protagonist identity deep within their psyches.

This left Gypsies feeling tremendously hopeful about their careers, to the point where their parents' goals of a green lawn of secure prosperity didn't really do it for them.  A Gypsy-worthy lawn has flowers.

This leads to our first fact about Gypsies:

Gypsies Are Wildly Ambitious

The Gypsy needs a lot more from a career than a nice green lawn of prosperity and security.  The fact is, a green lawn isn't quite exceptional or unique enough for a Gypsy.  Where the Baby Boomers wanted to live The American Dream, Gypsies want to live Their Own Personal Dream.  

Cal Newport points out that "follow your passion" is a catchphrase that has only gotten going in the last 20 years, according to Google's Ngram viewer, a tool that shows how prominently a given phrase appears in English print over any period of time.  The same Ngram viewer shows that the phrase "a secure career" has gone out of style, just as the phrase "a fulfilling career" has gotten hot.

To be clear, Gypsies want economic prosperity just like their parents did—they just also want to be fulfilled by their career in a way their parents didn't think about as much.  

But something else is happening too.  While the career goals of Gen Y as a whole have become much more particular and ambitious, Lucy has been given a second message throughout her childhood as well:

This would probably be a good time to bring in our second fact about Gypsies:

Gypsies Are Delusional

"Sure," Lucy has been taught, "everyone will go and get themselves some fulfilling career, but I am unusually wonderful and as such, my career and life path will stand out amongst the crowd."  So on top of the generation as a whole having the bold goal of a flowery career lawn, each individual Gypsy thinks that he or she is destined for something even better—

A shiny unicorn on top of the flowery lawn.  

So why is this delusional?  Because this is what all Gypsies think, which defies the definition of special:

spe-cial | 'speSHel |
adjective

better, greater, or otherwise different from what is usual.

According to this definition, most people are not special—otherwise "special" wouldn't mean anything.

Even right now, the Gypsies reading this are thinking, "Good point...but I actually am one of the few special ones"—and this is the problem.

A second Gypsy delusion comes into play once the Gypsy enters the job market.  While Lucy's parents' expectation was that many years of hard work would eventually lead to a great career, Lucy considers a great career an obvious given for someone as exceptional as she, and for her it's just a matter of time and choosing which way to go.  Her pre-workforce expectations look something like this:

Unfortunately, the funny thing about the world is that it turns out to not be that easy of a place, and the weird thing about careers is that they're actually quite hard.  Great careers take years of blood, sweat and tears to build—even the ones with no flowers or unicorns on them—and even the most successful people are rarely doing anything that great in their early or mid-20s.  

But Gypsies aren't about to just accept that.  

Paul Harvey, a University of New Hampshire professor and Gypsy expert, has researched this, finding that Gen Y has "unrealistic expectations and a strong resistance toward accepting negative feedback," and "an inflated view of oneself."  He says that "a great source of frustration for people with a strong sense of entitlement is unmet expectations. They often feel entitled to a level of respect and rewards that aren’t in line with their actual ability and effort levels, and so they might not get the level of respect and rewards they are expecting."

For those hiring members of Gen Y, Harvey suggests asking the interview question, “Do you feel you are generally superior to your coworkers/classmates/etc., and if so, why?”  He says that “if the candidate answers yes to the first part but struggles with the ‘why,’ there may be an entitlement issue. This is because entitlement perceptions are often based on an unfounded sense of superiority and deservingness. They’ve been led to believe, perhaps through overzealous self-esteem building exercises in their youth, that they are somehow special but often lack any real justification for this belief."

And since the real world has the nerve to consider merit a factor, a few years out of college Lucy finds herself here:

Lucy's extreme ambition, coupled with the arrogance that comes along with being a bit deluded about one's own self-worth, has left her with huge expectations for even the early years out of college.  And her reality pales in comparison to those expectations, leaving her "reality - expectations" happy score coming out at a negative.

And it gets even worse.  On top of all this, Gypsies have an extra problem that applies to their whole generation:

Gypsies Are Taunted

Sure, some people from Lucy's parents' high school or college classes ended up more successful than her parents did.  And while they may have heard about some of it from time to time through the grapevine, for the most part they didn't really know what was going on in too many other peoples' careers.

Lucy, on the other hand, finds herself constantly taunted by a modern phenomenon: Facebook Image Crafting.

Social media creates a world for Lucy where A) what everyone else is doing is very out in the open, B) most people present an inflated version of their own existence, and C) the people who chime in the most about their careers are usually those whose careers (or relationships) are going the best, while struggling people tend not to broadcast their situation.  This leaves Lucy feeling, incorrectly, like everyone else is doing really well, only adding to her misery:

So that's why Lucy is unhappy, or at the least, feeling a bit frustrated and inadequate.  In fact, she's probably started off her career perfectly well, but to her, it feels very disappointing. 

Here's my advice for Lucy:

1) Stay wildly ambitious.  The current world is bubbling with opportunity for an ambitious person to find flowery, fulfilling success.  The specific direction may be unclear, but it'll work itself out—just dive in somewhere.

2) Stop thinking that you're special.  The fact is, right now, you're not special.  You're another completely inexperienced young person who doesn't have all that much to offer yet.  You can become special by working really hard for a long time.  

3) Ignore everyone else. Other people's grass seeming greener is no new concept, but in today's image crafting world, other people's grass looks like a glorious meadow. The truth is that everyone else is just as indecisive, self-doubting, and frustrated as you are, and if you just do your thing, you'll never have any reason to envy others.

侮辱

當有人侮辱你的時候, 要記住, 獅子不會因為聽到狗吠而回頭..

上帝為什麼不獎賞好人

上帝為什麼不獎賞好人


1963年，一位叫瑪莉‧班尼的女孩寫信給《芝加哥論壇報》，因為她實在搞不明白，為什麼她幫媽媽把烤好的甜餅送到餐桌上，得到
的只是一句「好孩子」的誇獎，而那個什麼都不幹，只知搗蛋的戴維（她的弟弟）得到的卻是一個甜餅。

她想問一問無所不知的 西勒‧庫斯特先生，上帝真的是公平的嗎？為什麼她在家和學校常看到一些像她這樣的好孩子被上帝遺忘了。

西勒‧庫斯特是《芝加哥論壇報》兒童版「你說我說」欄目的主持人，十多年來，孩子們有關「上帝為什麼不獎賞好人，為什麼不懲罰壞人」之類的來信，他收到不下仟封。

每當拆閱這樣的信件，他心就非常沉重，因為他不知該怎樣回答這些提問。

正當他對瑪莉小姑娘的來信不知如何回答是好時，一位朋友邀請他參加婚禮。

也許他一生都該感謝這次婚禮，因為就是在這次婚禮上，他找到了答案，並且這個答案讓他一夜之間名揚天下。

西勒‧庫斯特是這樣回憶那場婚禮的。

牧師主持完儀式後，新娘和新郎互贈戒指，也許是他們正沉浸在幸福之中，也許是兩人過於激動。

總之，在他們互贈戒指時，兩人陰差陽錯地把戒指戴在了對方的右手上。

牧師看到這一情節，幽默地提醒：右手已經夠完美的了，我想你們最好還是用它來裝扮左手吧。

西勒‧庫斯特說，正是牧師的這一幽默，讓他茅塞頓開。

右手成為右手，本身就非常完美了，是沒有必要把飾物再戴在右手上了。

同樣，那些有道德的人，之所以常常被忽略，不就是因為他們已經非常完美了嗎？

後來，西勒﹒庫斯特得出結論，上帝讓右手成為右手，就是對右手最高的獎賞，同理，上帝讓善人成為善人，也就是對善人的最高獎賞。

西勒‧庫斯特發現這一真理後，興奮不已，他以「上帝讓你成為好孩子，就是對你的最高獎賞」為題，立即給瑪莉‧班尼回了一封信，這封信在《芝加哥論壇報》刊登之後，在不長的時間內，被美國及歐洲一千多家報刊轉載，並且每年的兒童節他們都要重新刊載一次。

勳章

傷疤是男人的勳章!!

Success

這世上只有一種成功，就是能夠用自己喜歡的方式度過自己的一生。

做自己..

别人指着你的痛处哈哈大笑，你却只能傻傻地笑着，你翻脸别人会说你开不起玩笑，所以你笑弯了腰，连眼泪都笑了出来，我们总会迁就别人而伤害自己.

我做事用不着所有人都点头 我活着就是让讨厌我的人越来越不爽！

Inspiring Peptalk

When there is a will, there is a way..

“The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people.”

When there is a will, there is a way..

Cow Economic Theory

SOCIALISM; You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbor. 

COMMUNISM; You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk. 

FASCISM; You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk. 

NAZISM:You have 2 cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM; You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other and then throws the milk away. 

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM; You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. 

DEMOCRACY: You have 2 cows. Your neighbor has none. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay for the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.

AMERICAN CAPITALISM; You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead. 

FRENCH CAPITALISM; You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows. 

A GERMAN CAPITALISM; You have 2 cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.

A JAPANESE CAPITALISM; You have 2 cows. You redesign them so they are 1/10 the size of an ordinary cow, and produce the milk of 20 cows. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called cowkimon and market them worldwide.

ITALIAN CAPITALISM; You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You decide to have lunch. 

SWISS CAPITALISM; You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them. 

CHINESE CAPITALISM; You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation. 

RUSSIAN CAPITALISM; You have 2 cows. You count them and learn that you have 5 cows. You count them again and learn that you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn that you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of Vodka.

INDIAN CAPITALISM; You have two cows. You worship them. 

BRITISH CAPITALISM; You have two cows. Both are mad. 

IRAQI CAPITALISM; Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. Nobody believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows but at least you are now a Democracy. 

AUSTRALIAN CAPITALISM; You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate. 

NEW ZEALAND CAPITALISM; You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive. 

GREEK CAPITALISM; You have two cows borrowed from French and German banks. You eat both of them. The banks call to collect their milk, but you cannot deliver so you call the IMF. The IMF loans you two cows. You eat both of them. The banks and the IMF call to collect their cows/milk. You are out getting a haircut.